I'm just in a really weird head space these days. I tried to explain it to Shanny tonight, but I don't think I did a very good job.

Sometimes I feel like it's all too much for me. Like there are only so many places I can focus my energy at any one time. And right now, I feel like it's all I can do to focus on what I have to do at work and what I have to do to keep me sane.

I'm stressed about work. About my Business Manager leaving. I know it's absolutely the right thing in the long run, but meanwhile, there's so much to do and so much to worry about and I haven't been putting nearly enough time and energy into work this past year, so I feel like it's all balanced on a very precarious teeter-totter and if I'm not super careful, it'll all collapse on me.

I'm also stressed about my mom again. Her husband is back in the hospital. He's been there for about a week. He's going home tomorrow, but it doesn't look good. He's got this infection in the hardware they put into his spine last year and the antibiotics don't seem to be working and they could take the hardware out, but it would be another major surgery and then months of recovery in bed, basically a total cripple, before the infection would heal and they could maybe put the hardware back in. And he's just not up for that. He doesn't even have any veins left for them to run IVs in. So they're sending him home with some new anitbiotics which will probably work for a little while, but then who knows. He's asked mom not to send him back to the hospital again if it gets worse. I think it's most likely the beginning of the end. She really doesn't handle this stuff well, and I don't handle her not handling it well. She's been phoning me every two days, telling me the same stuff over and over.

And my heart is feeling very broken right now by R.

I just want as little stimulation, as little demand on my time and my spirit, as possible right now. I don't feel like I have the energy for anything but what I have to do. And that's take care of work, for now.

Maybe that'll make me a shitty friend for the next little while, but I really need space. It's like it's too much work to hold a conversation.

Maybe it's just because I have my period right now.

Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

Especially if I don't have to talk to anyone too much about anything.