I've been thinking about love all day. That "romantic boy and girl" type of love (or girl and girl, or boy and boy - no judgements). How we all seem so genetically programmed to spend our whole lives questing for it. How we have all these ideals in our heads about what it's supposed to be. How we all want it but most of us are also afraid of it. How it always seems like something some else does better than you, or has more of than you.

I was sitting at the bar last night talking to a friend about her fear that there's not ever going to be someone in her life. She was telling me about someone she likes, but how she's afraid to come out and tell him, for fear of what will happen (ie: rejection).

I was talking about my own sad story, and how I have love that doesn't seem to be enough for me, and how I want love that I can't get, and how broken my heart feels right now.

I was talking on the phone to my dear B, who was going through his own love crisis, loving someone from a distance who's not available to him.

I was looking down the bar in one direction at a couple where the girl is madly in love with the boy and the boy doesn't know if she's really what he wants. I was looking the other way at a girl who's been the object of many men's love, but she always ends up rejecting them in favour of being alone.

It all seemed so sad and fruitless in that moment. And yet it does seem to work out for some people. There are those who somehow manage to find that kind of love and keep it. What's their secret? Why is it so hard for everyone else?

My resolution for today is to try to appreciate the love I do have and to try to mend my broken heart as best I can. It just feels like there's some sort of giving up involved there. But maybe there is, and maybe that's not such a bad thing.

If only there weren't songs and books and movies about love every where you turn.