Well, it's official. I have the bug that T had. I felt tired and just kind of off all day yesterday, and then I woke up at 4 in the morning with a sore, tight throat and swollen glands. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Just a week before Xmas, of course, and two weeks before holidays, and much much writing to do. So, I've cancelled all my evening plans (show, drinks with friends) and am going to go home (I'm working right now, lucky me), get into my warmest pajamas, crawl into bed and read The Divinci Code and then sleep for about 14 hours, and see where that gets me.

I think the nasty bug brewing in me yesterday helps to explain some of the weird mood I was in at the end of the night. I met up with Shanny and Marcie and we had a couple of drinks, and then R showed up (he'd said he might, but I ususally think that means he won't and didn't expect to see him) and I actually wished he hadn't come. I was trying to exlain to Shany in the car on the way home that I feel like we're spending too much time together and it's like we're a couple in so many ways, in the ways we relate to each other, in our closeness, but we're not a couple, and it's not really healthy. But we have a hard time seperating. Especially now, when I'm leaving on holiday soon and we likely won't see each other for close to a month. Even today, when I came in, he could see I wasn't feeling well, and he was all sweet and sympathetic and went and got me tea, and then said "You can't be off home sick tonight. I won't be able to meet you in the bar later. Wouldn't it be better to come for a medicinal cocktail?" and I felt myself almost giving in to the idea, before saying no and sticking to my plan of bed rest for faster recovery. What the hell? Maybe it will be best not to see each other for a month, except that when we do, it'll be all intense again and we'll be full of "oh how much I missed you".

Ah blah blah. Maybe he's right and I just over-analyse way too much. Maybe I should just give it a rest and let things just be what they are. That seems like an easier thought today when I'm all sick and just want to lie down. I'm happy not to think too much.

So, on that note, I'm not going to. I'm going to finish gathering up my stuff, go have some lunch, and go home to bed. Maybe with cold drugs. Mmmmm .... cold drugs.