DUTCH GIRL




Some times even paradise can't help.

2005-01-06 - 12:21 p.m.

Rough night last night.

After a day in the sun, I headed up to the room for a nap and T went wandering. When he came back, he started into the cocktails and kept going all evening until he was quite smashed by midnight.

At which point he finally really lost it over Joel. He was feeling terrible that he missed the funeral. I think he needed to be with his friends and the others who are suffering as he is, like Shanny and Chris. He confessed that he's been having nightmares that have kept him from sleeping for days. Seeing Joel's face, lying there on the floor.

He wept and wept and poured his heart out while I just held his hand and rubbed his back.

Poor man. He's devistated at losing such a good friend. A "fellow pirate" as he called him. And he feels (irrationally, but that's how it goes) like maybe he could have done something more. Like somehow he had the power to save Joel but didn't. I can't imagine what it must be like to have someone you love die right there in front of you while you're pounding on their chest and breathing air into their lungs and begging them to live.

I can't believe how much of that he held in for a whole week. He has this crazy male idea that he's supposed to be strong. My heart just broke for him. But getting some of it out was a good good thing and he's feeling better this morning. I know it will be a long long time, but expressing the grief is a small step in the right direction.

I hope he can have some time to grieve with his friends when he gets home, sohe doesn't maybe feel so alone.

Meanwhile, there's sun and sand to help start the healing process. And probably more beer and tears.

Vorig - Daarna

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