It's 10:53pm on Sunday night. I'm still at work.

Well, actually, I shouldn't say "still". I was here from 1pm until 7pm, and then I went away to the bar to have something to eat and a beer, and now I'm back (after the last workshop of the day has finished) to lock things up, turn off the lights, and go home (or back to the bar ...).

I'm having an identitiy crisis tonight.

I keep thinking back to the conversation I had a couple of weeks ago with a friend, when I said I thought of myself as a sexual person, and he said "Really?" - Emphasis on the question mark.

It's been making me wonder if I there's the possibility I don't operate in the world in the way that I think I do. Maybe people don't see me as sexual, which would explain my entirely sad and fucked up sex life. Maybe that's why men who love me find it so easy to say they don't want to have sex with me.

And then, tonight ... Jim, who's the bartender at the theatre bar ... I said I was going to come over tonight and play Yatzee with him, but it didn't end up happening because I ended up talking to other folks instead. I apologized and said that I had really meant to play with him but I'd been side-tracked by the conversation with Mark and Kira, and he said "That's okay. I saw that happening and it's cool. It's just as much fun watching you chatting with your friends. You're such a socialite." And I could only think ... Me? A socialite?

Is that how people see me? Is that a bad thing? And am I not seen as a sexual being?

Wow.

Maybe I have no idea of how the rest of my world sees me.